Monday, October 20, 2008

will i ever...

will i ever wake up from this dream? this bad dream.
i cant look at myself in the mirror, its as if i dont exist.
i dont exist. 
my days consist of liquor. 
liquor. red bull. puke. repeat.
be sure not to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. repeat.
tell me daughter, mommas ok baby. dont worry. repeat.
sit down and stare at the tv. stare not watch. couldnt begin to comprehend anything.
read a book to take my mind of the images. cant get through the words. too many images.
try a bite of some kind of food, doesnt work. repeat step 3.
make a phone call, maybe talking will suffice. No answer.
make another call. No answer.
take a shower. wash the pain off. scrub the pain away. scrub the pain away.
doesnt work. my body hurts from scrubbing.
repeat steps from above.
my lips unable to form any sort of smile. i try.
i laugh. uncontrollably. for the fact i fell for it. i fell for it.
hahahahaahhh i fucking fell for it. hahahaha i got what i deserved.
hahahaah. i hate this world. hahah i got what i deserve. 
hahaha fuck my existence. hahaha. alone.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.

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