is thrill worth it?

I do it for the thrill. For the feeling. For a smile. For comfort. For everything i want and for everything i know i can not have. But is it worth it? What will i gain? What will i learn that i have not already? What will become of this mess? I don't know. All i know is that i love the thrill of it all in the moment but in the end it'll be the end. I don't want it to end. I want it to survive in me. I want it to constantly excite me. I want it to not only control me but to become me. It needs to end. This addiction to wrong. The path to nowhere. The not-so brilliant future. My end. The end.