i left this weekend. packed a bag and took off. i dont know what i was looking for. maybe peace, myself, some kind of realization. but i havent found any of those things. i found out i am exactly who i thought i was. this fact is truly disappointing. i am just a lonely human being with excessive debilitating realities. a ridiculous amount of doubts in myself. im filled with nothing but insecurities. and depend on pure hope that someone will pick up the pieces. fill in the holes. invest time into me and all my flaws. its a hard task and no one deserves it. i dont even want in on that and im talking about myself. god damn. i cant believe i have not changed. i cant believe im back at the beginning of where i started. this fucking sucks. in my highs and lows i can somewhat expect what i may or may not do but this time...im throwing myself for a loop. dont help me. dont come to the rescue cause i will do nothing but pull you into this descend. its not a fun ride.