as hard as i try it still colors my life fully. this pessimism clings to me even if things are going well. i shake, scratch, scream with no luck of losing it. i smile with hope glimmering in my eyes and negative realization in my mind. its as if i can predict the horrid future. i know whats to come. this isnt living. the cruel past deliberately seeps into my pores a little too casually. it haunts me...constantly reminding. i live every day unable to forget and maybe thats why my outlook on life is shit. maybe thats why i am alone and somehow destined to be.