im convinced i really dont know what is good for me. i look for a certain type of person to spend my time with or date and i go for the complete opposite. i let my superficial tendencies take over and they guide me into destruction. its almost as if i feel i do not deserve to be treated well. any promising guy that seems to be nice i rid myself of then i turn around and date the bad boy and WISH i had a nice guy. fuck. i think i think too much. or maybe its just that i dont. its this stupid "big head syndrome" i suffer from. i subconsciously allow one simple thing about a person bother me until it blows up into a tremendous deal and i drop them. damn. is it wrong to have a "type" and if one doesnt fit into it i dont consider them a fit into my life regardless of how they are on the inside? i just like what i like and i know what i want...not really maybe with how someone may look physically but otherwise its quite obvious i dont know what i want or know what the fuck im doing. my history has proved that one.
im so stupid sometimes i swear.